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The Bubbly Blaster

It might feel like summer is still a long way off, but we found the perfect pool party accessory for any wine-lover—the Bubbly Blaster. A water-gun-like contraption, the Bubbly Blaster fits into the cork of a Champagne bottle and, when the bottle is turned upside down, can shoot a steady stream of bubbles up to 30 feet. There’s even a GoPro compatible video mount to catch every foamy moment of party-goers frolicking in froth. Blasters ($100) come in a variety of colors—even a very millennial-friendly rose gold. As to why anyone would want their sparkling wine to go anywhere other than in a glass for consumption is beyond us. (We really do need to get out more). (SRM)

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Cock Ale? Ahem.

Reading the words “Cock Ale” while finding myself in Portland recently led to a string of unintentional associations. Oregon. Craft beer. Lumberjacks.  Wow, who knew? Alas, cock ale has nothing to do with Oregon or its (no doubt sexy) men. It’s literal. Cock ale is beer made with rooster meat.  As reported by Gastro Obscura, cock ale was once a British mainstay and many a pub’s name is a tribute to it: The Famous Cock, The Cock and Bottle, and so on.  Much appreciated in the 1600s for its medicinal properties, cock ale was made (often by women) by immersing a rooster in a batch of boiling ale along with raisins, dates, nutmeg, and Sherry. Cock ale’s medicinal and restorative properties were legend. Besides purportedly curing tuberculosis, it was considered an early form of Viagra. So: cock ale to the rescue for what ails you. Think of it as craft beer meets chicken soup. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always a cocktail.

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Pave the Way, Elon Musque: I’ll have a glass of Martian white, thanks

Ok, we don’t know if Elon Musk and his SpaceX project will be the first to try to plant a vineyard on Mars (his manned mission is planned for 2024), but we do know that scientists are already at work trying to figure out the Red Planet’s terroir and which grapes might grow best.  Scientists from the Republic of Georgia specifically. As part of their so-called IX Millennium Project, the researchers are conducting experiments at Georgia’s state-owned “grape library” where 450 indigenous grape varieties and 350 foreign varieties are grown. That Georgia is heading up a project on the future of wine in space isn’t all that surprising. Grapes have grown in that country, part of the original cradle of grapevine domestication on Earth, for more than 8,000 years. And while it would be cool to drink a glass of Martian Wine with Space food, the research’s primary purposes are practical—like attempting to understand the effects of radiation on life-sustaining agriculture on other planets.

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Brainy Bon Appetit

In the Good-to-Know-I-Guess Department, we’ve just learned that you can buy canned brains on Amazon (From Books to Brains, an amazing corporate success story!). And why would one need brains other than the ones inside one’s own head? It turns out that brains (pork brains specifically) are part of the historic dish called “eggs ‘n brains” which was popular in the American South up until the mid-20th century. According to Atlas Obscura, the dish probably originated among farmers, but soon spread to more urban areas, as well. Traditionally, fresh brains were used, but later, canned brains became common. I thought I had a fairly good grasp of food and wine pairing but this dish has stopped me in my tracks.  What goes with brains? Beauty? Yeah, but that’s not a wine.

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Why Man’s Best Friend is Probably (OK, Definitely) Not a Canine

They drink alcohol and love spicy food. What attributes could be better in a best friend? And of course, it’s not your dog. The animal in question is a tree shrew, the only mammal (besides us) who likes habaneros, jalapenos, spicy Bloody Marys, you name it. If its furry forehead breaks out in a sweat, it’s just fine as far as a shrew is concerned. According to a report in Atlas Obscura, tree shrews are very closely related to humans but are smaller than primates so they are easier to study. In recent research, scientists discovered that tree shrews are similar to birds: neither are affected by capsaicinoids, the molecules that make chilis hot. So break out the Carolina Reapers and the Ghost Peppers—we think these guys can handle them.

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Alco-Cola

Yeah, pretty clever to have figured out that cola spelled differently starts the word alcohol. And not a moment too soon, since Coca Cola has just released an alcopop—the company’s first alcoholic drink in 125 years, according to The Drinks Business. It’s lemon-flavored, lowish in alcohol, and sold only in Japan. Aimed at female drinkers (wow, now that’s a surprise), the alcopop is modelled on Japan’s “Chu-Hi” drinks which contain shōchū (a spirit usually distilled from sweet potatoes, barley, or rice), sparkling water, and fruit flavors. Coke says it’s not coming to the States. (But remember New Coke wasn’t supposed to happen either).

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Flute Flaunt

Well isn’t this brilliant. Just when flutes increasingly find themselves the object of Champagne-lovers’ dismay (even disdain), it’s beer to the rescue. The German Beer company Beck’s has just released beer in a can shaped like a flute. It’s not that far-fetched really. Historically, many traditional beer glasses were shaped like Champagne flutes, and both beverages derive some of their pleasure from bubbles. Curiously, one of the reasons the flute is in disfavor for Champagne is that it isn’t ideal for appreciating the wine’s aroma. (Because you can’t easily swirl the wine in a flute, volatile aromatic compounds aren’t easily released and the wine is rendered less “smellable.”) Leading us to wonder: are beer lovers less aromatically inclined?

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Hangover Meets Homeopathy

I know this probably never happened to you, but others of us who drink wine have occasionally enjoyed ourselves a wee bit too much. That situation has given rise to a whole slew of morning-after remedies, including the charmingly named “hair of the dog.” Surely, not literal, right? Wrong. The expression originally referred to curing a rabid dog bite by placing hairs of the dog into the bite wound. This was just one example of the ancient medical theory similia similibus curantur (Latin for “like cures like”), which is the basic tenant of homeopathy. It tuns out that using alcohol as a remedy for too much alcohol is a pretty universal practice. So, whether you’re in Rome or Romania, Kenya or Korea, chances are someone will be able to provide just the right “dog hair” should you need it.

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Nose at Your Own Risk

Ok all you English majors who love wine, this is for you. The next time you find yourself sniffing a wine that smells like a goat, you can oh-so-casually toss off one of the following which, according to Merriam-Webster dictionary, are all synonyms for unpleasant odors. And yes, one of these bad smell words does mean “bad goaty” as opposed to “bad garlicky” which is also in this list: outstink, nidor, noisome, mephitic, alliaceous, stinkeroo, hircine, malodorous, reekingly, kakidrosis.

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BIG BOOB Claret

It’s called BIG POUR but maybe the wine should be called BIG BOOB. The label shows a blond woman—face obscured by shadow—whose right breast pokes out through a gauzy top, as if the breast itself was reaching for the wine glass. At first, I thought BIG POUR was a bra commercial (don’t over-think this). But then I realized it’s just another cheap-shot objectification of women—this time via a not-cheap cabernet blend ($90). What’s demoralizing is that it’s made by Kelly Fleming, a Napa Valley (female) vintner. Isn’t it #timesup for this sort of thing?